Dear Abby: They don’t see me, why should I travel to them?

Dear Abhi:

We moved to Florida from Indiana 30 years ago. Ten years later, I went back to work, but returned to Florida after 9/11. I recently received a letter from a friend saying I hadn’t been to Indiana in 14 years.

This friend, who has been in a long-term relationship for 40 years, met us once in Florida 28 years ago. She coordinated a connection during that visit with an old boyfriend and surprised us – he fell asleep. It was very embarrassing. This friend never saw us again here, but traveled to Miami. We drove eight hours round trip to see him and his partner. He considered this “meeting us”.

I know from others that he and his partner have come to Florida often over the past 30 years without calling or seeing us. I was close to his sisters when we lived in Indiana, but only one visited us – 26 years ago – and never again. Another sister has a condo an hour south of us and has not contacted us despite visiting her condo at least once a year.

Did I miss something? Sisters do not communicate with me. Why should I be a traveler? Why can’t they call when they visit the area? Should I include this in my frequent letters to my friend? He blamed me in his last letter. How should I word my answer? I feel like I have to say something, but I want the words to be right. – A page in Florida

Dear Unilateral:

You and him are pen pals, nothing more. If you’re enjoying the correspondence, ignore the attempt to feel guilty about the comment. You and his sisters are acquaintances, not friends. They must have sent that message because they had no contact with you. I cannot understand why you should chase them. Stop focusing on flaws. Focus on the people in your life who actually return your friendship, and you’ll be much happier.

Read more about friendship:

Dear Abby: My friend’s boyfriend ruined our friendship

Dear Abby: I can’t get over my friend’s past

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abhi or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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“Every teenager needs to know” what teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents. Send your name and mailing address and a check or money order for $8 (US funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling is included in the price.)

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